Of Monsters and Men

One of my best friends dreamt this last night. This dream gets a gold star.

"In the dream, my father had this plan to import Godzilla (the actual monster) to America. It seemed terrifying to me, but he and this clique of men were all going in on it together. They thought it could
be exciting, and lucrative, to have a monster in our midst. We were all living at this beach house, but it was actually on the East River. My dad and his buddies were waiting there for the Godzilla import. I
was absolutely terrified of this monster; filled with insecurity and dread. I wanted to tell my father not to bring the monster in, but every time I thought of telling him, I became sure that if I told him
the monster was a bad idea, he would be disappointed in me.

Unfortunately, in preparation for the Monster, I, and my family were forced to go on expeditions in the water. Everyone assumed I would think this would be fun. I went on a raft that was carried very high
by a wave. We landed on a rickety bridge hundreds of feet up in the air. Everyone thought we were having fun. I was with my grandfather and my aunt. While we were on the bridge, feeling like we were going
to tip over, they praised my writing. They told me how proud they were of what I was doing. I couldn't stand it anymore. How could they be praising my writing and having fun when I was so afraid of heights?
How could they not realize that I was so afraid of height? Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. "How could you do this to me when I'm afraid of heights?" I yelled.

Everyone was shocked and saddened to hear that I fear heights. They were at first offended and then immediately indifferent. We went back to land. When we got there, my father said he heard what had happened and that the solution to everything would be if I just eat a bowl of plums. I insisted that I already eaten and begged him not to make me eat them. He tossed the plums in the bowl and they burst into a big
watery purple mess. I couldn't decide if they would harder, or easier to eat in their liquid form, but I was both disgusted and intrigued.

Then we were in a room with big open windows, looking at the ocean, waiting for Godzilla to come. Suddenly, the horizon become extremely thick and gray. There was lightening, but the sky was so murky we could barely see it. My father told me that they had forgotten to get tranquilizers for the monster, so we'd have no way of protecting ourselves when he arrived, and now that the storm had hit, we wouldn't
be able to get any. We also lost electricity, and when the monster came, we wouldn't have any light to see him by. In fact, we'd have no way of preparing ourselves for the monster. He was going to come at
night and surprise us, and we'd have no way of knowing when, or seeing him before he attacked.

I knew that I should have been angry at my father and the men for ordering the monster, but instead I just felt incredibly sad and lonely. I decided the best way to prepare myself for the monster was
to convince myself that I had wanted him to come too, because then even when he came and attacked me, I could feel happy, because I'd be getting what I wanted. My father revealed that the monster was
actually meant to be used as an exercise device in a gym class. I decided the best thing I could do to show my enthusiasm for the monster was to rush to the gym to work out.

When I got there, I waited outside the room so I could go to yoga class. I knew that the monster was scheduled to appear in the Spinning class, and I assumed that I would be protected because I never went to
spinning. But I felt a flicker of doubt. Maybe I wasn't safe in yoga. Maybe it would actually be safer to leave. My heart was pounding and I felt nauseous. But I told myself I had to stay at the gym.

But yoga class was starting late. In anticipatory agony, I ran out to the deck to see if I could catch a glimpse of godzilla on the horizon. When I got there, I found a girl sitting a table with a boy. They were
both very young looking; pudgy and no descript. They both had dark hair and olive-y skin. She looked like she could have been part Asian, and she was very short. The boy resembled a friend of James's (my
ex-boyfriend) from college, who is socially inept and has never had a girlfriend. Although I had never seen the girl before, I knew that she was my best friend from childhood.

"We were broken up," she told me, about her and the boy. "But we just
got back together."

"How's that working out for you?" I asked.

"Well..." She climbed into his lap. She had a huge smile on her face
and glittering eyes. She answered in a voice that was wild, sad and tremulous, exuding laughter and tears.

"I still feel like he doesn't even know who I am." Then she held his head in her hands and looked
into his eyes. "But I'm more in love with him than ever."

Flaming Arrows

This dream occurred a week ago, before McCain tried to delay the debates.

It was the night of the debate, and I was in the stadium where it was taking place. McCain did not show up, and Obama sat alone on the stage, placidly. I was sitting at the top of the stadium, and a million flaming arrows flew down on the stage from all around the stadium. None hit the candidate. He sat still, calm.

Business School

A friend's dream:

"My dream last night was about business school anxiety. Not very fun. Basically, I was trying to connect with this family friend of mine who used to work in the admissions department at Columbia Business School who said she'd help me out when applying to schools, and we were having a difficult time trying to connect. Finally, somehow, I ended up in her dorm room (yeah, I know...it makes no sense to me either...she's 28) and then I had to wait while she took a shower. I was angry that we weren't meeting right away, but then i thought to myself that i really needed a shower too.

Her dorm room was completely tiled. I remember it felt like Mexico, but it definitely wasn't Mexico...so where was I? Obviously not New York. Then again, what was a 28-year-old doing living in a dorm room? And where can you find a single dorm room with a full bathroom? I digress. I was also with two other friends...I don't remember who they were, but they were part of my entourage. They had no real purpose except to accompany me to this meeting. I guess that's all I can remember."

Pinch Yourself and Wake Up

A friend of mine wrote to me today about a dream. For the first time ever, he pinched himself and woke up.

"It was one of the strangest dreams I've ever had. I was in a cab, going up the FDR with this girl who i went to high school with. She was someone I thought was nice and who liked me, but I always found her and her family to be extraordinarily pretentious. Ahe left after freshman year to go to a boarding school on the East Coast. Anyway, we were in this taxi and she was being really annoying...name dropping and acting superior. I remember her saying something like, "yeah, well, he is the number 20 at Merrill Lynch," and I remember thinking to myself, "number 20? are you serious? who is she kidding?" Anyway, she kept babbling on and I looked out the window. I looked up and saw this huge, spherical metal thing floating above Manhattan. It had about 10 of the monsters from "The Host" running all over it. Then, i remember thinking to myself, "We're in trouble if there is a color-changing cloud floating right behind it." Well, sure enough, there was a color-changing cloud floating right behind it. I started to panic then, knowing that shit was about to go down, and that's when the pinching thing occurred. Honestly, it was one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had. I was so relieved to wake up."

Campaign Nightmares

Last night I dreamt that I was responsible for the ruin of the Obama campaign.

I was in the sewers, trying to get to work. A slide was suspended from a manhole, and as I tried to climb my way up the slide, the McCain's bouncing blonde two year old was trying to slide down from the street. There was a protocol for passage on these underground slides, and I neglected to follow it. I was hurrying to get to work, and so I didn't use the contraption to make the slide larger. We both passed by just fine, but I worried later that Cindy McCain would find out. And so I called her.

Cindy was effusive, reassuring, and snakelike. After thanking me for my honesty and concern, she said, "Well let me just put John on the phone to say thank you." My heart sank as McCain himself got on, also thanked me for my honesty, and said that this should really be a bipartisan safety issue. He would be sure to bring it up at the next debate.

I'm not sure how I was associated with the Obama campaign in my dream; I may have been a staffer, a family member or a friend. But for some reason Barack was living in my house to prepare for the debates, and I knew I needed to warn him about "Baby Bounce", the label John had given my run-in with their infant in the sewer. But other staffers (my mother, close friends) all warned me not to worry Obama with this small problem. And so suddenly there we were, minutes before the debate, with Barack clueless about this potential land mine.

He was wandering around the house, headset on, going over his notes when I approached him. I said I had something to discuss with him, and he mumbled that he really didn't have time. I followed him into the bathroom, and as he brushed his teeth, I rambled on about Baby Bounce, Cindy, John and the call for bipartisanship. Obama looked at me with a concerned, almost distasteful expression, and as he spit into the sink, I realized I may well have cost him the campaign.

Sarah Palin

Is all I've thought about all weekend, dreaming and awake.